Who Am I?
Sometimes I wish I grew up as somebody else.
Growing up uber christian I lived in a bubble and didn’t get the chance to experience sex until after high school, I was 19.
And sex didn’t even mean anything more then missionary position for me until I was 24.
Now at 36 I look back and feel life between 24 and 30 I was playing catchup, pushing myself to try new things and not shy away from new experiences even if they made me nervous. This was a good and bad thing obviously, thankfully I was smart about things like safe sex and wrapping my dick up.
I grew up with mostly women as my friends, and even after I moved away from home to Halifax, that stayed the same.
Finding who I was in the sexual world has been a long long road.
I’ve thought at one time that I must be gay, because the majority of my friends were gay, even experimenting with making out with men to see if there was something there, there wasn’t.
I still make out with good looking men to this day but not for sexual reasons, but because how can you say no to a extremely good looking human being no matter what their gender is.
Trying to make sense of stuff like being in kindergarten and consciously deciding I’d rather play dolls with the other girls then play soccer with the boys, or in high school and post high school where all of my friends were women. Or how I shy away from being being a quote “man’s man” and feel sometimes more feminine.
I’ve experienced life growing up with mostly female friends as my role models, and I’ve been emulating them because I look up to them.
I’m not afraid to say out loud I’ve made mistakes in trying to identify and figure out who I am because that’s life, and there is not set time table for knowing who you are, I’m 36 and still trying to figure it out.
The point is, I didn’t know who i was at 15, or 25 or even now at 36, it’s a never ending self discovering journey that I’m happy to be on.